A Letter to My Daughter on Her 18th Birthday

Dear Hannah,

We made it! Happy 18th birthday, Sweetheart! I don't know if you feel any different today than you did yesterday. Maybe you should. Today is the day you enter legal adulthood, the day that you can legally vote (please take the responsibility seriously and approach the voting booth well-informed and skeptically optimistic), purchase tobacco products (Yuck), enter binding contracts (Please don't enslave yourself to unnecessary debt), and purchase lottery tickets (You have better, more productive things to do with your money. Trust me).

Turning 18 is a pretty big deal. This isn't your run-of-the-mill birthday. You only turn 18 once, after all. So on this momentous day of celebration, I thought I would write you a very personal letter. Sure I'm posting it to the internet for all the world to see, but you should be used to that by now. This is kind of my M.O.

I shouldn't write about the old motherhood cliche, about how I can't believe time passed so quickly, blah, blah, blah. But it's true. I can't believe how fast the years have flown by, especially when each individual day (especially those early ones) seemed to drag on forever, slowed down by the messes and the laundry and the inevitable tears (I admit the tears were mostly mine. You were a fabulously calm baby. But you've met your brothers, right?).

I know that things haven't always been easy for you. I'm fairly certain that your older brother made several attempts on your life (although he swears that Christmas tree just kept toppling over on top of you of its own volition. We eventually had to tie it securely to the wall with 550 paracord. Very festive.) and you didn't always get the best version of me. Too many times you got the rundown, terribly exhausted, paper-thin sanity model of a mother. You had so many hand-me-downs and divided attention and leftovers. There was so much less of me to give to you, and you've always had to cry more, share more, wait more than I would have liked.

But dear, sweet baby girl, I have loved you more than I thought humanly possible. Before you came barreling into this family (after 36 hours of labor. Yes, I plan to remind you of that every single birthday), I doubted the infinity of love. I honestly thought there was only so much to go around. But love isn't like the lap space you had to share with wiggly siblings. It can't be divided. It can't be shared. The moment you were placed warm and reaching into my arms, it was like I grew a whole other heart just for you. I didn't know how much love a person could feel until I felt you in my arms, until that first moment we finally met face to face.

I look at you with awe sometimes, wondering how you could possibly be mine. It is sometimes difficult for me to reconcile the confident, poised, articulate woman I see before me now with the pig-tailed little girl who rolled in mud and loved The Magic Treehouse and Play Doh and Angelina Ballerina. But here you are, so thoughtful and generous, hard-working and dedicated.

I feel like I should be writing this to impart some important and practical life advice, but it isn't necessary. The truth is you astound me with your maturity and tenacity, with your bold sense of purpose, and a wisdom beyond your years. You've proven to be trustworthy and prudent and responsible and all of the things that people your age usually aren't. Honestly, you're a better person than I was at 18. Heck! You're a better person than I am now, at least on most days.

Welcome to the adult world, Baby! I can't wait to see what Life has in store for you. Or maybe I can't wait to see what you have in store for Life. Either way it's going to be an exciting ride.

Happy Birthday! Your life is no longer in my hands, it's now in yours. I know you'll make it beautiful. That is certainly what you've made mine.

And now I am likely to lose myself in a fit of nostalgia and a large bottle of wine. Here's to you, my wonderful, fabulous, beautiful daughter! I am proud beyond words to be your mother. Just remember that no matter which roads you choose to travel, I will always be your number one fan.

Cheers!

Love,
Mom

Friday Favorites - Part III (Texting, Flags, and Bathing Suits... Oh My!)

Happy Friday!

I admit to spending much of the week hiding from the internet as people spewed all kinds of vitriol at each other. It's been like watching an emotionally charged virtual game of "Capture the Flag", while I sit back and wonder what is really at stake. What real changes happen over the demise of an inanimate symbol? Which side do you cheer for when you think that both sides are behaving like angry little toddlers squabbling over a toy? ("It's hate!"  "No! It's heritage!" sounds a lot like, "It's mine!"  "No! It's mine" when you step back and listen.) Maybe both sides have some legitimate points... but of course no one is listening because they are too busy trying to be right.

Or maybe there are more important things we should be paying attention to. Maybe there are better ways to invest our energy than petty internet squabbles.

But I digress.

In spite of trying to hide from the internet this week, I was still able to stumble across these internet gems. Did find anything really worth reading? Shoot me a link in the comments.

The Texting Dead: 14 Ways We Are More Borg Than Human. Tracy Bennett shares her list of ways that technology has taken over our lives. Is it a drug or a tool? Will it be our planet's greatest hope or its demise? Maybe we should pull ourselves away from our screens, take a look up at the sky, and ponder in our own technology-scarred brains.

Every State Flag Is Wrong, And Here Is Why. Speaking of flags, Alexandra Petri lists the fifty worst state flags in her hilarious article. Definitely a lighter look at the flag issue. Beverage Spew Warning: Put down your coffee (or beverage of choice) before reading. This one is hysterical.

We Tried On Victoria's Secret Bathing Suits And This Is What Happened. I'm sharing this one because I had occasion to feel self-conscious in a bathing suit this week. Lara Parker and the women of the BuzzFeed staff tried on bathing suits and posed like Victoria's Secret models. The pictures are not nearly as funny or thought provoking as the commentary, so you're actually going to have to break down and read this one.

How Siblings Affect Your Success According To Science. This is definitely an interesting read from Dr. Jonathan Caspi. I'll admit to being a bit frightened at the idea that my children may have more influence on each other's ultimate success than I do. I've heard their sibling interactions which are often brutal and physical. Unless they are all hoping to be professional MMA fighters, we might be in trouble. Of course, I'll still be front and center and screaming louder than anyone at their fights. I'm particularly horrible sports mom.

4 Reasons My Family Shouldn't Play the Board Game Risk

Last night, winter storm Octavia came raging across the South like premenstrual hormones through adolescent veins, leaving us all chilled and confused and cowering from Mother Nature's wrath. (Much like the family members who regularly experience adolescent PMS. Quick tip: keep chocolate bars on hand for emergency situations, both of the weather and hormonal varieties.)

Photo by Jeremy Pharo via Flickr

Like any good snow day, we spent it mostly huddled indoors battling boredom. What better way to defeat boredom than family board games? (Or should they be called "bored" games since we only ever play them when we're bored?) How about a good rousing game of Risk? It seemed like a good idea at the time. Family bonding coupled with the development of higher-level thinking skills, sprinkle on some good sportsmanship and top it with a heaping spoonful of fun and we should have had the makings of a successful afternoon.

Except it didn't turn out exactly how I had envisioned. It all fell apart rather quickly, and while it probably did develop some higher-level thinking skills it probably also left a few emotional scars in the process.

I learned a few things about my dear, sweet family. I'm not certain exactly what they all mean, but here they are:

1. Strategy be damned, the kids are going to wipe Mom off the face of the planet first. Every time. I will not be allowed to control even the weakest of strategical points (like Argentina or the Northwest Territory). Mom must not have power. They will force even the tiniest flicker of power from my frail and failing grasp, even though we all know that Dad is the real threat. No... don't let Mom have anything. At all cost. (This frightens me just a little... I will probably sleep with one eye open from now until the last one moves out.)

2. Risk may not be the best game to play with easily amused teenage boys. There are too many inappropriate jokes to be made about "domination" and "pulling out" and "using your cannon". And the jokes will be made... and made again... and again.

3. Sibling rivalry should probably not be played out on the battlefield. It's too violent and bloody. Why is the youngest amassing a huge army of 80 plus troops in Western Africa? Perhaps it's because she feels she never has any privacy, that her sister is forever in her space and in her business. Her brothers might steal her dignity and self-respect, but they will NOT have West Africa, damn it. She will cling to that tired piece of dirt with just her flimsy fingernails if she has to. I did hear her shout at one point, "If I'm going down, you're going down with me!" (Perhaps this game is taken a tad too seriously... nah.)

4. No mercy. It doesn't matter if a clear winner was obvious 27 rounds ago, my family will play to the bitter end. This is about world domination, not diplomacy or compassion or filthy little peace treaties. No one is allowed to just admit defeat and leave. No... the oldest has spent hours carefully scheming his way to victory and by God you are all going to sit here and patiently lose like you are supposed to. Suck it up, Buttercups. This is victory by torture. It doesn't matter that the game ceased to be fun for anyone but the victor after the first 45 minutes of the game. This isn't about having fun. It's about world domination! Make sure you keep your priorities straight.

Now we are moving on to Apples to Apples... this can't possibly go wrong.

Right?