Wednesday, March 19, 2014

You Expect Me To Be Insulted?

I was recently told that I'm weird...and while this could be interpreted as a compliment (usually by weird individuals like me), it was apparent that this person meant it as an insult.

It's probably weird that my first thought wasn't that I was offended, but that this person obviously doesn't know me very well.  I mean...of all of my many flaws, the best she could come up with was "weird"?  I'm also kinda lazy, incredibly grumpy, pretty damned cynical, I yell at my kids, and my socks don't match.  All of those would have been much better insults in my very unhumble opinion.  If you're going to try to insult me, at least do a good job of it.

It really doesn't bother me that people may find me weird.  Consider the alternative: boring, common, dull, ordinary...being called any one of those would REALLY be an insult.  But since I am none of those, it's kind of a moot point.

And just in case you might be contemplating my lack of weirdness, I offer this as proof:

Last night over dinner, my family discussed the best names and slogans for a septic tank service company...and we carried it on for several hours, each of us randomly shouting something we had recently thought rather funny.  Not that we are considering opening our own septic tank service company (because...ewwww), but if we were, we would be ready, perhaps even over-prepared.  Not with any expertise in the septic tank service business, although I'm assuming maybe it involves a big suction-y hose thingy, and maybe some hazmat suits, and a truck...definitely a truck...across which we would emblazon our awesomely creative company name and slogan.

"No Shit Sherlock"

Perhaps not so family friendly.  How about, "Get A Load Of That"?

This is the truck we need!
And for our slogan...

We're #1 in the #2 business
You doo our business
You dump.  We pump.
You flush our business down the drain.
Got Poo?
Waste not.  Want not
You think your job sucks...

I can not be held responsible for all of these.  Many of them came from my dear husband and super intelligent and incredibly witty children.

Yeah.  We're weird...but it would be pretty boring any other way.

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