Monday, September 18, 2006

Exposing The Sog In My Crunchiness

I just have to set the record straight.  It seems like a lot of people have set me up on some sort of fabricated granola pedestal.  The view from up here is kinda nice, but the fall is gonna seriously hurt.  I'm a baby when it comes to personal injury, so I'm going to carefully climb down from up here.  I am exposing the uncrunchy corners of my soul.  It's hard to put the truth out there, so be kind and gentle.

1.  My favorite beverage is Pepsi.  I have an entire 2 liter in my fridge right now.  I know all about the bad effects of caffeine and all of that corn syrup, but I have an emotional and physical addiction to this product.  I'd much rather drink it than water.  *gasp*

2. I DON'T make all of my cleaners.  There was a time that I had to, but now you will find things like Seventh Generation dish soap and Bi-O-Kleen Laundry powder on my shelves.  And there is that one bottle of yucky blue window cleaner that the house's previous owners left here, but after two years it's still half full.

3.  I yell at my kids.....on a regular basis.  It's not pretty and I hate that I do it.  I know all about respectful loving guidance, but I still raise my voice far more that I care to admit.  I'll help them pay for the necessary hours of therapy they'll undoubtedly need when they hit their 30s.

4.  I eat at McDonald's.  Even though it is representative of everything I hate (capitalism run-amok, cultural homogenization, US world domination) I still eat there.  Yes, I do realize that there is very little nutritional value in the food they serve.  I've read *Fast Food Nation*.  I also eat at places like Taco Bell and Wendy's.  Never Burger King, though.  They have yellow dye in their buns! 

5.  You will find white bread in my house.  I switched after my children kept sneaking off to the neighbors' house to scarf down white butter toast like it was some sort of narcotic.    I'm not proud, but at least my children eat the bread I buy now.

6.  I take ibuprofen.  I've tried all sorts of natural remedies for headaches, like lode stones and hydration therapy, but nothing works as fast or as thoroughly as two caplets of ibuprofen.  I have four children to deal with and that's much harder to do with a headache.

7.  I will occassionally buy a Baby Ruth bar.  I know, I know.  Not only is it full of artificial flavors, refined sugar, and other crap, but it is manufactured by Nestle.  I am officially boycotting Nestle for marketing infant formula in third world countries and thereby causing the deaths of thousands of inocent babies every year, but I strongly believe that chocolate is a band-aid.  I hope that one little 85 cent candy bar won't cause the demise of too many African children. 

8.  I do not cook a whole foods meal completely from scratch every night.  I have been known to throw a frozen pizza in the oven on a regular basis.  My children also eat boxed cereal (and not always the organic kind).  I simply consider this a coping mechanism. 

9.  I use paper towels.  I'm not proud of this fact and I'm sorry for all of the innocent trees (really I am).  I'm currently working on getting rid of this vice, but change can be hard.

10. I also use plastic storage bags.   My children just like to tote around a baggie full of their favorite snack.  I do reuse them though. I'm not real happy about all of the plastic my children dump in the landfill via plastic sandwich bags, though.

11.  My children play video games, and yes, sometimes violent ones.  I'm not proud of this one, but I've learned to pick my battles.  I've also learned that boys will find a way to be obsessed with everything military even if you try to shelter them from it.

12.  I watch TV and so do my children.  There was a time when we did not even own a television (for a whole two years).  I kind of miss that.  TV is a serious time sucker.  But we don't have cable, and only pick up reception on five channels.

There!  It feels better down here.  Now I can start to deal with the guilt of falling short of perfection.

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