Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I Am A Good Mother

There was a moment last night when, for a brief instant, I questioned myself as a mother.  I've had plenty of moments like that before, usually spawned by other people's off-handed comments and sometimes down-right rude confrontations.  I've always taken it personally.  Even after almost 11 years of motherhood, I still have so much self-doubt in my abilities as a mother.  I wish I wasn't so disturbed by other people's opinions or perceptions.  I wish I wasn't so hard on myself when I've clearly fallen short or made a mistake.  I so desperately want to be perfect.

I'm not perfect.  In fact I am VERY far from it.  But in the grand scheme of things I am a DAMNED GOOD MOTHER!!!!  I love my children immensely and every big decision I've made in the past 11 years had been made with their best interests in mind.  I am present and intimately involved in their lives.  I have made an effort to be educated in matters of health and education.  And I've stepped out of the box that is the status quo and made unpopular choices.  Do I homeschool because I enjoy it?  Absolutely not!  Do you think it would be easier to stick my ADHD boys on chemical drugs than to fuss and worry over all of the chemicals in their diets and environment?  Hell yes! 

While I sometimes fall short on day to day issues like raising my voice or making sure everyone has clean socks, I've scored big on the major issues.  I think my children will appreciate that when they reach adulthood and start raising children of their own.  Hopefully they won't need too many years of therapy because of all of those little things.

Even if I screw up big time, I know that I always try my best.  Always.  I'll never be perfect and I shouldn't put that much pressure on myself anyway.  I feel sorry for the next person who issues one of those off-hand comments.  I'm feeling kind of riled and I'm afraid Mother Bear has been asleep too long.

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