Friday, January 24, 2014

Things I Never Thought I Would Have To Say

On most days our home is pretty busy, full of energy and activity (How could it not be with four kids, two dogs, and an epileptic cat?).  But some days it just feels like there is too much chaos for this house to contain and there is a threat of explosion, like some small scale version of Chernobyl.

Cue the snow day.  I know that three of my four children are homeschooled (only one of them has managed to defect so far...thank you barbed-wire fences and alligator-filled moats), so a snow day isn't all that different than a regular old school day for us.  Except it is.  Because there's snow.  And snow makes kids and dogs and epileptic cats very very crazy.

Before I became a mother there were things I promised myself I would never say.  "Because I said so."  (Every child deserves an explanation.)  "How many times do I have to tell you? (Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to.)  "Wait until your father gets home!"  (I should be able to handle any situation...after all I am Super Mom!)

But I've said them all.  Parenthood has a way of stretching you to the limits of will and patience and sanity.  I have muttered (and screamed) them all....and worse.  (Don't judge.  You don't understand the fortitude and teamwork these kids exhibit on a daily basis.)

But even though I have, against my pre-mom wisdom uttered what I once considered the unutterable, I never would have been able to predict some of the things that have come out of my mouth.  Like ever.

Here they are.  The top things I never thought I'd ever have to say...and most of them were heard during the chaos of our recent snow days.

"Stop climbing the walls.  You're leaving toe prints."  This was not meant figuratively, but literally.  The kids have regularly been caught climbing the walls in the pantry where they can just barely splay themselves between walls spider monkey-style.  I'm raising a troupe of acrobats...

"Put down the gun and check to see if your brother is bleeding!"  In my defense it was a rubber band gun...and there was no blood involved although several tears were shed.

"Why is the cat in the refrigerator?"  Apparently this was entirely the cat's fault.  Must have looked like the quietest place in the house to take a nap.  Maybe I should try that next time.

"Will someone please pick up the strawberry off of the stairs?"  Why there was a strawberry stranded on the stairs is not nearly as strange a question as why I actually stepped over it no less than 6 times myself without picking it up.

"I don't care if your brother hit you.  You should have blocked it.  I'm not paying for karate for nothing."  I'm such an empathetic mother.

"Why does it look like a shoe factory exploded by the front door?  Don't you people have rooms of your own that you can trash?"   Yeah....well...

"Your eating utensils are not ninja weapons."  They are learning impeccable table manners.

"Do not use your sister as a weapon!"  When the oldest was using his youngest sister as a sort of battering ram against his other siblings.

Thankfully, the snow is just about gone and life can get back to it's more normal and manageable levels of chaos.  Only they are predicting more snow to arrive some time next week.  I guess I'll have to tell the cat to scoot over and stop hogging the refrigerator...


thalia said...

To be fair, Daniel probably learned the battering ram from SM. Daniel is finally big enough to not be on the receiving end, lol.

Daphne said...

I have also used the "karate block".

Mom said...

Well put. It reminds me of my childhood when there were four of us to torture my mother.