Thursday, March 23, 2017

Dancing With Snakes in the Dystopian Age

"Where have you been?"

It's okay. You can call off the search party. Hold your emails. Call back the hounds.

I know I haven't posted much recently, and apparently some of you are upset about that. (Although I'm pretty sure that at least an equal number of people are excited and celebrating. You're welcome.)

I admit that I've been kind of hiding from social media. I didn't even know about the recent London attack until the bodies were already cold. I didn't witness any live streaming or hashtag campaigns about the incident. I think my sanity is in a somewhat better state because of my ignorance.

We are living in difficult times. My desire to be well-informed is in a constant battle with my desire to remain sane. Seriously, it's like an epic cage fight...terribly bloody. It would get great ratings on cable.

So, I've been kind of hiding under a rock, because every time I poke my head out, I seem to get blind-sided by some news story that leaves me feeling as if I'm trapped inside of a young adult dystopian novel.

Because now drinking milk is racist.

And the color of a teacher's skin is more important than his ability to actually teach.

Meanwhile, in Pennsylvania, a teenage boy is told by his principal to "tolerate" undressing in front of a (biologically) female student . . . to make it as "natural"as possible . . . because, you know . . .tolerance and maintaining an illusion of enlightenment and forward-thinking is far more important than our children's safety or emotional scars. But that's on them . .. I  mean . . . they should have been more enlightened and tolerant. There's nothing that won't be tolerated quite like "intolerance".

Speaking of intolerance, an Iowa high school recently had to issue an apology to an opposing basketball team because its student body wore patriotic colors to a game. The apology was issued because the opposing team had some refugee players who are somewhat delicate, and deeply offended by the sight of red, white, and blue . . . even though they are currently seeking refuge IN THE UNITED STATES.  I would tell them to "grow a pair" but that is horribly offensive and insensitive on several fronts.

"Dance? But I have two left feet."
If I were a more religious person, like the kind who yammers in tongues and dances with snakes, I would swear that we are living in the last days. Although, "the last days" of what, I'm not sure.

Because this shit is crazy.

But I don't dance with snakes, because I don't really dance unless I've had a few beers, and all of that dancing is kind of unfair to the snakes. I mean, the least that holy people could do is buy the snakes a drink before they bandy them about on the dance floor.

Or maybe it's because I really just empathize with the snakes. Because snakes are pretty quiet, and just want to be left alone.They want to crawl up under a nice rock somewhere or hide out in the grass and not be messed with. And here these people are, snatching them up, forcing them out into the public eye, making them participate in a dance that they want no part of.

I feel ya, snakes! Solidarity, bros!

That's why I'm crawling back under my rock for a bit. Maybe lay around in the grass. Y'all enjoy the crazy dance. I'll probably be back after I've had a few beers.

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