Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Pine Tree Pornography

It's that time of year here in eastern North Carolina that the pine trees attempt to procreate.  Now when it comes to most plants, procreation is no big deal to us humans.  We might catch the tawdry leg of a bumblebee as it squirms down into a flower, but we really don't give much thought to the meshing of genes and the passing of DNA.  It's quite a bit harder with pine trees.

Pine trees play out their whole trashy romance right in front of our eyes.  In fact, it covers everything.  It coats our cars, our sinus cavities, our lawn furniture, our patios, even my black cat turns a sickly yellowish green as he sunbathes on the front porch.  These pine trees know no shame.

What most plants and animals play out in darkened secrecy, pine trees flaunt in the open.  Like brazen porn stars they spend their seed on the faces of humanity.  And frankly, I feel like I might need a cigarette.

You have to give them props though.  They show no embarrassment, no shame...they just thrust out more pollen onto the wind.  They have endurance that would put any normal human male to shame.  This pine tree love affair will last for days...even weeks.  And we'll all be held under a yellow haze of pollen...and then we can rinse it all away like some morning-after shower.  Until then...I drive a yellow car...and own a yellow cat.

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